Friday, March 11, 2011

Welcome To My Life....

I've told you some things about me, but I figured I would expand a little bit. My boys are 11 and 13 and they keep me on my toes.  My decision to stay home was actually taken out of my hands, but I consider myself blessed that I was able to be a "stay at home mom" for the boys.  My husband once said, "I honestly don't know how you do it, your job is so much harder than mine could ever me."  He captured my heart forever although in reality, he has always had it!  I love him with everything I am!  He's my rock!

About 15 years ago, I began to have anxiety/anxiety attacks.  Not the "Oh I am feeling a bit anxious" kind, but the full blown "I am losing my mind kind."  That has never left me and I still struggle everyday to defeat it.  I'm on medication which helps but there is no "BAM, your healed" kind of thing.  And you know what?  That's okay.  Don't get me wrong, if I could get rid of this, I would in less than a heartbeat, but with God and my family's love and support, I get through it one day at a time.  I think once you accept it, it becomes a part of your life and not just a disease that you have.  We've adjusted our life many different ways because of it, and yes, I do wish that God would just take this from me, but acceptance is the first part of healing.  My mom is my best friend.  She knows all about me and yet still loves me.  <3  I would usually insert a smiley there, but it doesn't look like we have them.  Oh well, I will make due.  Now where was I?  Oh yeah, my anxiety.  I have had a phenomenal support system (my parents, kids, family, and friends) throughout this and I can guarantee you I would not be writing this today, without them!  

At one point through the years, I attempted to go to work.  I went to school and became an EMT.  Oh how I loved it!  Maybe it was the adrenaline rush, or maybe it was that I knew how it felt to get prodded, pricked and having my body used as a learning tool for new doctors.  I was good at my job and offered them the compassion that I never had throughout my 15 year____________.  You know, I always had trouble filling in that blank.  I could go with disease, sickness, hell, struggle, blessing, trial....but no one word fits exactly right. At times it was some of them or even all of them at the same time.  Your probably looking at the word blessing and saying "are you crazy?'  Yeah, I can be, but here is my reasoning.  If it weren't for the anxiety, I would have had a full time job and never would have experienced what it was like to be a full time mom.  As I've said before, I would not trade it for the world.  So that is where you find me now.  A full time mom, PTA Vice President for one school, Corresponding Secretary for my other son's school, and last but not least, a soccer coach.  I've got the soccermom, thing down but we will just have to wait and see, on the coaching part.  Although I imagine it will be great, because I have a wonderful partner!  Oh, and you will probably here Gabe come up, because he is the other coach.  His son Nate and my little guy Nick have played on the same team together for three, no four games and have built up a great friendship.  (and yes, he is 11 but he will always be my little guy!)  Signing off.......

1 comment:

  1. Great blog! I can't wait to hear more! Love the quote at the end too!!