Friday, May 06, 2011

Wherever My Mind Takes Me....

The reason for the title above is because honestly I have no idea what I am going to write about.  Things lately have been really tough lately for me and my family.  My status on my last facebook page pretty much says it all.  "I am hanging off a cliff by my fingernail and its breaking"  Yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back, you could say.  Is it just me or does that saying not make sense?  What does a camel have to do with straw?  Anyway, through all the tests and blood work and Dr. appointments that I've been through over the last six months or so, yesterday was my last test.  My gastro doctor told me that she couldn't think of anything else to do and that I need to go to Jefferson University for a full work--up.  The problem right now is the blood tests say one thing, then the camera pill says another.  The endoscopy found this, but that doesn't coincide with my symptoms.  My MRI showed this, but my CAT Scan didn't show this.  Too many questions and no answers.  Maybe this alone, wouldn't be so hard to deal with but combined with 15 years of anxiety that I still fight with every day.  I still manage to put on a smile and pretend everything is okay but every second it becomes harder and harder.  It's a bit hard to hide my stomach which looks nine months pregnant.  My back hurts, my abdomen hurts, I get out of breath from just walking from one room to another. To top it all off.....my hope went right out the window.  I know there is a saying that God won't give you, what you can't handle, but I must admit my faith is being tested.  It's really hard to keep my head up when test after test comes back and they say four hundred different things.  Okay enough on that, I just can't talk about it anymore.

The Bin Laden photos.....Terrorists want us dead and are constantly trying to find ways to make that happen.  We killed him, and yes, that makes us targets, BUT we already are targets.  You honestly believe that seeing him dead in a picture is going to make it worse?  What's worse then a group trying to plot your demise?  I really don't care if I see it, but those affected by 9-11 personally have that right.  Why is it that the family of a murder victim can watch the execution but those that were part of the biggest tragedy in United States history are denied that right.  I believe that this is a game that Obama is playing.  Just like what he did with his birth certificate.  He is probably laughing at all the "deathers" just like he did with the "birthers."  Why was everything so hush, hush?  I understand why they killed him and buried him at sea.  I would not want a shrine where people could come to honor him.  Pictures are a different story.  We as a country are owed that much.  All our soldiers are owed that much!  All our soldier's families deserve that.  Anyone that was affected by 9-11 deserve that!!  I could care less if he sitting in the room doing yoga.  He put the penalty on his head, not us.  That the media have nothing better to do then to try and sell papers on the topic of him being "unarmed."  He, himself is a killing machine with or without guns.   Why is it he cares so much about Muslim's reactions than his own countries feelings.  Not that I cared for him before but he is truly pathetic.  He is not our president, he is the "worlds president.  We are still giving Pakistan millions in aid, and yet they harbored Bin Laden right in their own backyard.  We should break all ties with them and use the money where it is needed, at home.  We wanted justice and we got it, and nobody should have to apologize for that!! 

I could go on all day and probably would have, but I have to go.  It's kinda refreshing writing when I am PMS'ing.  I don't hold anything back.

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