Friday, December 21, 2012
We have complex issues in this country. I have listened to the calls for banning private ownership of all guns. They make a compelling argument. The 2nd Amendment contains the word "militia". Therefore, unless you belong to a militia, you should not have a gun. I see their point, but let's not stop there. As I said, these are complex issues. Let's look at what else should be banned, restricted, or changed:
1- Free Speech. Children have died because of cult leaders, religious zealots, and political fringe groups. Music and television is too violent. Ban the 1st Amendment. The Press must be certified and licensed by the state, and they will give your opinions to you. Religions must be legally recognized and certified by the state. The Constitution says we can't sponsor any religion, but says nothing about us banning them. The freedom to assemble is limited to small groups in private dwellings, except for once a year to celebrate Obama's Birthday.
2- 2nd Amendment. Banned as previously stated. Trained and uniformed government employees must handle all self defense issues.
3- Fire extinguishers. are hereby banned for private ownership. You are not certified by the state to fight fires. Improperly extinguished flames can cause harm to your neighbor's person and property. Trained government employees will be solely responsible for all combustion events. You have no Constitutional right to a house, let alone a house that is not on fire.
4- All private stockpiles of food. We have children starving, while others are obese. Obviously you people can not handle feeding yourselves or your dependents. You may keep only FDA approved bottled water and 3 days supply of crackers on hand(2 crackers per person per day). You have no Constitutional right to food. Government certified nutritionists will see you are fed.
5- Empty your medicine cabinets. Children can overdose on OTC medications. Only licensed doctors may prescribe medication, and only licensed pharmacists may dispense them. The person the prescription is written to faces harsh penalties if they fall into anyone else's hands. We don't care what you do with them, but we suggest storing them in all of those recently emptied gun safes. You have no Constitutional right to medicine, except leeches, which were used at the time the Constitution was written.
6- Education. We have high unemployment. And we have people who are just plain unemployable. Obviously, you have been given way too much freedom to seek your own paths in life. Yes, you have a right to public education. But the rights of the community as a whole trump your individual rights. We will decide based on early aptitude testing what your future employment options are, and educate you accordingly. The unemployable will be sent to w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶c̶a̶m̶p̶s̶ vocational training facilities for reeducation and reintroduction into productive society.
Immediately after these reforms are implemented, a Federal Task Force on Private Ownership will be formed, with the sole goal of creating an Impact Study of Private Ownership of Businesses and Personal Incomes, and how they affect society as a whole. No taxes will be raised during this period of study. All additional costs will be borrowed and paid for somewhere down the line. It may even be after you're deceased, in which case, it's FREE!!!!
And all of this safety and security can be yours, for the low low price of your freedom.
Disclaimer: This is not a call to grab your tin foil hats. Merely a way to point out how ridiculous gun bans are. I hope it made you laugh and think. And if you support gun bans, and do not find this funny, I assure you we're laughing AT YOU!
Chris DeMuro (This was written by a good friend on facebook and I think it's fantastic!)
"Know guns, no crime. No guns, know crime."
- Ralph Lauretano