Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired...

It's been a while since I've posted but things have been kinda  chaotic to say the least.  I've pasted on my last smile and I've cried my last tears.  Feelings of hope and faith have been destroyed and I am not sure if I can even bring them back.  Every day you wake up and all you want to do is go right back to sleep.  It literally hurts just getting out of bed.  I can't look on the "bright side"' anymore because it has just been dark for so long and I no longer have the strength.  This world has kicked us around for a long time, but I can't get back up.

Nothing seems to go right anymore.  We owe so much money to everyone, doctors and hospital bills are insurmountable.  Every week it is another test and study, this week my family doctor and then later on in the night is my apnea study  Johnny has been working his ass off every weekend for crap and he is hurting constantly.  We just can't catch a break for anything.  I've been faithful so far knowing God has a plan for us but each day gets harder.  I see people going on vacations and wish I could do that for my kids.  My son started driving and along came the extra money for insurance which he has been contributing to.  Then this usually dependable car, starts falling apart.  Par for the course but ENOUGH ALREADY!  We have insurance that basically bankrupts us each month.  Screw you obama and your obamacare.  It's crap and if I hear one more person defend it I will go off.  We are so far in debt it isn't easy funny but there was nothing we could do.  Johnny's last job screwed us over bigtime going out of business without paying what we were owed.  Just another example of our "luck."  No matter where he applies, he just can't find another job.  Can something please go right.  Anything?  I am just so tired of climbing.

Now to figure out what is more important.... pneumonia? Getting surgery for gastro issues?  Muscles weakening which means more testing.  Peripheal Neuropathy in my feet?
I have nothing left inside me and I don't know where to turn.